i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
