Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
