I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
