i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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