She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
