Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
