this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
