maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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