ugly people sure do ruin things
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
