evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
