he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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