I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
