I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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