Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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