i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
