so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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