She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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