I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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