Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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