he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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