guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
