Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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