so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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