so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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