You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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