so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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