i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
