She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't turn off my feet"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
