dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
