Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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