omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
