It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
