I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
