Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
