You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
