All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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