Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
