I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
