I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
