Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
