His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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