I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
