I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
