im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
