I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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