next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
