Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
