Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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