am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
