Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
