Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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