Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
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So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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