If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
