my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
