I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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