Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
