did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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