I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
