Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
