neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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