Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
