she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
