But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
