dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
