I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
