Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
