Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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