I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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