I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
