OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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