so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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