i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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