I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
foreskin is a definite game changer
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
