There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
