I'm gonna have a badass scar
home. puking in laundry basket.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
